Lately, I have been kind of down in the dumps. Up until Sunday, I had been finding negativity in almost everything. I was annoyed at the fact that we're living with my family. Not that I hate my family, but the few months that we've been living here to save up for a house have been dragging. I was annoyed that Nigel has been naughty, and his favorite spot to pee is on the rug underneath my Mom's grand piano. I was annoyed because I haven't been eating well and I could see the weight piling up. I was annoyed that Ben works the night shift and sleeps all day long so I never get to see him. I was annoyed that my hours got cut at work so we don't have any extra money to take a vacation. I was pretty annoyed that there isn't a community pool near us for me to cool off in and pretend I'm on a vacation.
Sunday did not start off well. I woke up way too late because Ben stayed up all night, which kept me awake. I didn't have time to wash my hair before church so I looked extra crappy. On top of that we were late because of me, and because Nigel decided it would be fun to tear up some carpet. As I sat through Sacrament meeting I couldn't even pay attention to the talks. I was too focused on a boy terrorizing his little brother, and a mother chasing her toddler in high heels as she raced up to the stand. I told myself we're never having kids, which totally isn't true. I seriously considered going home.
Then Sunday School came along. Instead of having it in the Cultural Hall as usual, some genius had the bright idea to move it to the Relief Society room. It was jam packed in there by the time it started and SO HOT! Again, I could hardly pay attention to the teacher who constantly kept veering away from the lesson. By the time he finished we were already 15 minutes into the next meeting. I was in the worst mood and I couldn't shake it. I couldn't even remember what I was mad at, I just knew I was mad.
I decided to stay through relief society, and told myself I would survive it by sitting in the back and playing on my phone. (Gosh, I sound like the most awful person!) The lesson started off by the teacher asking us what some desires were. I sarcastically started listing off in my head all of my desires. As the class started passing around the usual attendance and service sign-up clipboards, a woman walked in late and asked if she could sit next to me. I hardly looked at her as I said "sure."
After marking the attendance roll, I handed the clipboard to her, and noticed she reached for it with shaking hands. That was when I finally looked at her. She was a small woman, looked to be in about her 30's, no wedding ring. As she went to mark the clipboard her entire body was shaking. Her legs, arms, hands and head were completely racked with tremors. She couldn't even turn the pages to find her name, and nearly knocked the clipboard in the air with violent kicks of her knees. I nearly started crying as she looked to me with an expression as to say "Gosh, this is embarassing." I gestured to the clipboard and told her I could mark it for her. As I took it, relief washed over her and the shakes started to calm. I saw where she had tried to write her e-mail address, but only saw small scribbles. I finished writing everything she needed when she looked at me with the most grateful face and said, "Thank you so much. My name is Rebecca."
Rebecca had a smile on her face the whole time. During the lesson, she made a comment and advised the class that she suffered from Epilepsy. She shared, that even though she suffers from this condition, she knows that through faith she can obtain her desires. She whispered to me that she comes from a family of twelve and has 9 younger siblings, most of which are already married. She told me that she's the only one living at home with her parents, and her mom serves in the Nursery. She was very child-like in the way she spoke, but so so kind. Rebecca had me in tears within minutes of meeting her.
Then the teacher decided to play this little video, which by the way, I was bawling at the end of.
At the end of Church I realized that everything I have been complaining about is stupid. So what if I have to live with my parents for a few months? It's not permanent, and once we're out we'll be on to bigger and better things. It's okay that Nigel destroys things because at least he's healthy enough to do it. We lost Chloe to a horrible virus, but Nigel survived and I'm grateful we still have him. Who cares if I gain a couple extra pounds? The only person who notices is me anyway, and I'm grateful to have a healthy body that isn't plagued with disease and illness. Yes, it sucks that Ben works the night shift, but I'm grateful he has a good-paying job, that he can support us with for the time being. I'm grateful that even though I can't go on a vacation now, I've been on countless great vacations. It's probably a good thing there isn't a pool nearby, and I should be grateful I'm not dealing with a sunburn and potential skin cancer. Besides, I've pretty much mastered rocking the pale look anyway.
Yes, those little kids in Sacrament were naughty as heck, but I'm sure those parents are grateful to have healthy children, with the capability to run faster then they can. I'm grateful that I more than likely have the ability to have children of my own, and if not, the Church has the Adoption Program. I'm grateful I have a car to get me to Sunday School and listen to a teacher who took time out of their week to prepare a lesson.
Bottom line is, I am grateful. I am grateful for the life I have been blessed to live, and everything that comes with it.